On My Path to Becoming a Childbirth Educator
Hand-drawn labyrinth from the Crossing the Threshold (BIPOC) virtual retreat.
This weekend was one of the most transformative 3-day experiences in my life. Along with 8 other amazing people, I embarked on the beginning of a new journey. I literally crossed a threshold into a new way of being, thinking and moving in this world. And it was right on time. This Fall, I will officially begin training to become a childbirth educator with Birthing from Within, an organization committed to honoring the sacred in birth experiences.
In 2019, in my first post on this blog post, I wrote about feelings that stand in direct contrast to what I feel now:
The more I thought about my experience, the more I contrasted it to the stories I was hearing. The more I researched, the more indignant I became. But my inspiration to act grew alongside a lot of doubt. And then came the excuses:
“I’m just too tired. Next month. After I wean the baby. After this project. Let me just fold this laundry right quick. Ugh, time to pump. You’re a graphic designer anyway, that should be your focus.
And worse than all of these excuses, I questioned the value of my voice. There are countless black women who have endured blatant racial bias, trauma and neglect, some who are no longer here to tell their story. Who did I think I was to add my voice to a body of women who deserve to be heard?
Who did I think I was to speak, much less act.
Who was I? Who am I?
It’s a question we were all asked, my co-participants and I, many times over the weekend.
That inner judge is deep seated. We all have one that causes us to second guess ourselves and question our intuition and purpose in life. But with time and the right support, we learn how to put that judge in its proper place and summon it when needed, instead of having it drive most of our decisions.
Who am I really though?
I am a warm, reflective creative.
I am someone who holds space for soul-stirring stories in a way that can serve as nourishment to others.
I am someone who is passionate about showing up for black birthing parents in ways that I needed for myself.
I am my grandmother’s living prayer.
I’ve come so far and still have so far to go. I recognize that even those words hold a completely different tone than they did a couple years back. Back then, the words, “I’ve come so far” held a lot of angst. The words, “I’ve come so far” were heavy with a soulful tiredness; a lostness. Like someone in the wilderness, all alone. But now, I feel curious and expectant though so much of what lies ahead is still unknown, still wild. Much like being pregnant.
I’m excited about what lies ahead as I’m choosing to live in the fullness of all of my callings. My birth education training will be an almost year long process. I want to remain open to sharing as I learn and process during that time, so stay tuned for more posts that touch on my journey to becoming a birth educator.
