Finding Gems in an Anxious Place
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash.
I must have spent 2 hours washing a set of dishes last week. A small collection of less than 5 plates, maybe a handful of cups took 2 hours to surmount. I was teetering between my daughter’s distance learning classes and my son’s budding toddler curiosity. I was not present. In fact, I was practicing the long suffering art of spinning plates.
Those of you who know plate spinning well know that’s when you juggle far too many things either by pure circumstance, as a method of distraction or by falling victim to that treacherous lie we often tell ourselves as mothers: “If I don’t do it, no one else will.” And don’t forget about the not too far removed cousin of that lie, “I’ll just get this done, THEN I’ll be able to…”
As usual, I wasn’t listening to my needs and I told myself I was justified in doing so because...corona.
We could all write novels about this pandemic. I’m sure we will when this is all over. Millions worldwide have tested positive and more than 70,000 people in America have lost their lives due to the coronavirus.
Unemployment is through the roof. Our laughing-stock of a president is unsurprisingly failing to lead. Like far too many natural disasters and crises have laid bare, communities of color are subject to an unjust brunt of the onslaught.
Black expectant mothers who are still dealing with a reality of being 4 times as likely to die during childbirth, now have to figure out how to survive pregnancy during a pandemic.
And then there’s me. On a regular day, I can second guess and worry myself into oblivion. But the uncertainty of The Rona and all the chaos she has brought with her? It’s turned the heat all the way up on my anxiety. And as much as I might tell myself that I am, I know I’m not alone.
The current state of the world is out of our control, true. But the choices we make now not only define our tomorrow, but have a profound effect on how we navigate the now.
Here is how I’ve been coping and mining everyday gems in this “new normal” we’re living in.
Photo by Krystal Ng on Unsplash.
The Present
“I am safe. My family is safe. We have food, shelter, clean water and access to healthcare, educational materials and income. I am here.”
Center the positive. If you’re well into a pregnancy, savor those kicks and rumbles you may be feeling. For my new and nursing mamas, soak up those sleepy and precious faces that stare back at you at feedings. Those are wonderful “presents” to get lost in.
Whether it's quiet meditation, peaceful walks or grounding exercises like gazing at crystals, give your thoughts space to breathe. Now is the time to dive into activities that calm you to the core. For a sensory person like me, crafting, baking and playing piano are my top 3, even when my toddler is climbing into my lap.
Ask yourself:
What simple thing can you do right now to center the positive in your life? What do you need right now? Listen to what your body is telling you.
As Alice Walker said in We Are the Ones We’ve Been Waiting For: Inner Light in a Time of Darkness, “what makes you purr with contentment? Find it and let it easily find you.”
Photo by Efe Kurnaz on Unsplash.
The Possibility
All is certainly not lost. In fact, some of the most beautiful things grow in darkness.
I have been so inspired by the resilience and gems dropped from my peers. As usual, we are making lemonade out of a very tart situation with virtual support series, video conferences from community organizations and informative lives that remind us that though we’re socially distant, we are far from alone.
Doulas—who in many states are being banned from delivery rooms—have created ways to support their mama clients virtually or over the phone. Midwives that assist birth in and outside of the hospital have been getting the much needed props—although PPE (personal protective equipment has far lagged behind what’s needed) for their divine versatility.
And a lot of people are thinking about homebirth. Though I would guide any mama to make that choice consciously and in a prepared way—not out of fear that things will go wrong at the hospital.
Ask yourself:
What creative thing can you take part in, or better yet create now that we all have so many lemons hanging around? Are you able to support the front line workers in some way, financial or otherwise? Or maybe this is the perfect time to address our own healing, which brings me to the last gem...
Photo by Kayle Kaupanger on Unsplash.
The Silver Lining
With the streets quiet, the roads and calendars and expectations made fluid, I stand in awe of the space that has been cleared within me.
— louann wattley belk
Recently after a good ol’ funky game of Uno, my daughter said to me, “you know mommy I notice you’ve been less...like stressed out. Before when I had school, I would ask you to play and you were always like, ‘I can’t, gotta work. Gotta do this. Gotta do that.’ Now you seem ...happier.”
Right before the virus started to turn everyone’s life upside down, I was dragging my feet on the decision to close my graphic design consultancy, and walk fully into a new chapter for my life.
I’d spent months half-stepping on this decision until Rona put a rush order on it. She also forced me to focus on the version of myself that was no longer serving me.
In the wake of that bold action to officially close my business, I’m so much calmer. I’m so much more at peace. I've been supported completely by family and friends who are cheering me on into this new season. I’ve made space.
Ask yourself:
What surprising wins have surfaced for you in this time? Which ones do you look forward to?
I don’t know what it’s like to be pregnant during a pandemic.
But I do know how crippling fear is.
I know how quickly consistency can leave you when that negative voice takes over. I know how an untended mindset can rob you of the joy, lessons and transformation that come with having a new baby.
I speak not from a place of having it all figured out. I speak from a place of desire to dive deep and understand what this season is trying to teach us all.
